unpleasant things happened for the pass two days...
which makes my morale and motivation drops to the ice point.
i just hope all the bad things go away and i can look at the positive side again.
actually come to think, it's not about the character/suitable or not or etc.
Its more towards, i have chosen u, chose the decision to be with u.
thus, i shouldn't doubt my decision.
though i may doubts sometime, but this is the 1st time i felt so low morale regarding us.
perhaps, i'm too concerned about you and i should learn to take things slow at a time.
type type type...
i'm fallin sleep soon...
saw couples going oversea for travelling makes me feel uber envy!!!
oky~` nitex! tml gotta work!
凌晨1:01
A lot of things came to my mind recently...
It's yr 2009 in a blink of eyes.
Here, I am lying on my bed and blogging at the same time.
What a yr that I've been through?
I could have lost my life, family, frenz and my loves one due to my stubborn, impulsive and rackless actions.
Don't wish to comment anymore about it cuz I think its nothing worth to comment abt...
Let bygones be bygones.
I hope, I still be able to become a better person in yr 2009 and grow to be a responsible people.
New yr resolution...
Eh? Recently I just saw one article online about new yr resolution research.
Final conclusion, it is not wise to do new yr resolution...
Ahahah...
So, no new yr resolution to be listed down.
:p
Hence, back to about a lot of things bothering my mind.
I am at lost of speech n words.
I don't know where I should start with...
Love between a couple...
Starts to resolve around frenx n family members...
It is not something that only belongs to two individuals already.
When with the family members, I worried about whether each steps that I've taken is correct or not? I'm afraid to offend or do or say sth to make ppl feel unease.
I'm afraid they will not like me.
I'm afraid they will have bad impression about me.
I'm so so afraid of these things...
I don't know whether my family needs my accompany or not.
Jus because they nv say anythin doesn't mean that they will not feel that I neglect them becaus I am involve with another family activities.
I'm worried that they will feel this way.
Nobody is giving me any assurance. Thus, I am at lost, whether I did the correct decision or not.
It really bothers me a lot a lot.
Its all because I don't wanna let these be the reason to separate us apart. Even if one day, we were to go separate ways.
As for frens, I really wanted to spend time with all of you and try to make it to every gatherings that we have. However, most of the time I feel that I nv spend enough time with the other one and family or needed time to rest. As a result, I can't make it to the gatherings or nv be the one to call all of you out.
I'm sorry.
But just because of these, doesn't mean that all of you don't have a place in my heart.
Always always, everyone of you have a significant meaning to me.
Hope everyone will understand.
You once said I have crazy thoughts, crazy thinking that I let these things bother me and think a lot.
But do you really really know, how much I want to be someone who can be competitable to you and everyone will give blessings to our relationship.
And how much I want to become someone that you really want to love and treasure and be proud of that you have me as your significant one.
As I looked at the mirror, I really realised how ugly that I've become...
I'm not really that beautiful to start with in the 1st place, and now I've become worst.
Most of the clothes that I wore need to be a size bigger than the past.
Which is all the reasons that I'm feeing insecure. Because I know that everyone loves to admire beautiful things and people.
I know that you were kidding with me and intially I really don't mind all these.
But I don't know somehow, since when, I starts to notice the changes.
And I starts to think, if I looked more beautiful will you be loving me more?
I hate this part.
It reminds me of how low-self esteem that I have for myself and how useless I am.
It reminds me of the past me.
Are you really sure that I am what you want?
Will you still love, care and adore me when I turn even uglier?
I will learn to trust you.
I will not check your mailbox or inbox and give you full privacy.
I'm sorry that I do a lot of things to make you feel that I'm thinking too much.
I'm just especially possessive about you.
And I reckoned, this is not a good thing.
So I will learn to be gracious.
Sorry that I make you freak out sometimes.
Sorry lao gong,
I love you...
凌晨12:13
